David Tollinger’s Very Very Bad Day

A Business Casual Descent into Hell

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems like all the stars are aligned against you—when it seems like the universe itself has decided to teach you some sort of thoroughly unimportant lesson whose only message seems to be “fuck you—and only you (in particular) today?” You know the day. This is the day you flip off the sky and hope God actually does exist just so that someone, for sure, gets your message.

David Tollinger was having just such a day.

And it all started when his cat unplugged his phone the night before, which died before the alarm could wake him up.

He was supposed to wake at 6:15 a.m. for the biggest meeting of his year—a quarterly pitch to the regional VP and the European clients from Frankfurt. His team was counting on him. The numbers were solid, the graphs were pretty, and David Tollinger, Senior Strategy Consultant at Lithos & Main, was supposed to carry the whole thing on his overworked, under-compensated back. He’d even broken his own rule and brought his work home with him the night before on a company-issued laptop.

But instead of waking to his usual alarm, he woke to a quiet apartment and the ambient dread of sunlight that was far too bright.

7:52 a.m.