Under Control

The pill bottle feels light in my hand—too light. I unscrew the cap with trembling fingers, already knowing what I’ll find inside.

One pill. Only one. I know that’s my so-called “proper dose,” but one is never enough. That’s why I only have one pill left though bottle says there should be 16. I know what the doctor said, but he’s wrong. He doesn’t understand what I live with.

He doesn’t have to deal with Rick— my former husband. If he did, there would be more pills.

One won’t be enough. It never is, but it’s the only one I’ve got.

I sigh.

I dump the remaining pill into my palm, staring at the tiny, pale-blue oval as it sits there, mocking me.

I reach under the counter for a bottle of grey goose. I pop the pill in my mouth and chug the bottle. It burns, but in a familiar way. A good way.